By Karen Murphy Corr

Special to The B.C. Catholic

 

Mothers and daughters enjoyed a semi-formal afternoon tea with noted Catholic author and speaker Carmen Marcoux at St. Ann's Parish in Abbotsford Sunday, Jan. 15. It was the kick-off of the Modesty for Christ program.

 

Nearly 70 women and teenage girls gathered in the parish lounge to hear Marcoux discuss modesty and courting.

 

"You want to be pretty and feminine and beautiful; you don't want to be provocative and sexy," explained Marcoux, a home-schooling mother of nine and grandmother of one from Saskatoon.

 

"For women, modesty has so much to do with their own value of themselves. It is how they present themselves to the world, the charity they show to guys in dressing modestly, and the dignity that they sense in themselves."

 

Being modest does not mean being dowdy or puritanical, Marcoux stressed. It's about presenting yourself to the world so the emphasis is on femininity rather than sexuality.

 

"It means we see ourselves as more than just objects, because we're worth so much more. Modesty is that mysterious veil that allows our inward beauty to shine.

 

"There's a line in my novel, Surrender, where John is talking to his daughter, and he says that you want to make it easy for the guys who want to be good and hard for the boys who want to be bad. There are guys who are bad, and you don't want to make that option available.

 

"We have a little catch phrase," she explained. "We say it's about being fit for the kingdom; doing all things for, in, and through Jesus."

 

Elaine Bjorgaard, the coordinator of Modesty for Christ, was very happy with the turnout and response from those who attended.

 

"We look for someone who can deliver the message in a way that is non-condemning and who has a non-judgmental way of presenting the virtues of modesty and the right way to court," she explained.

 

The mother of three young men started the biennial program in 2008. "It is really important to me for my boys to meet the right kinds of girls: the ones who respect themselves."

 

Monica Unger, an Abbotsford mother of three teenage girls, took her youngest daughter to the talk. She said that while Marcoux's message isn't a new one, it intrigued the young women.

 

"Isabelle and I really enjoyed hearing Marcoux speak. Our favourite quote was 'ALIVE: Always Live In View of Eternity.'"

Abbotsford mother of 10 Gisela Andrews, who took her teenage daughter to the tea, appreciated how Marcoux discussed dating versus courting with the girls.

 

"In our culture they draw a line about how far you should go, and so you think I'll just go up to that line, and pretty soon you'll go over that line, and it happens so fast. She said to turn your back from that line and do a 180 and head toward the cross and Jesus.

 

"Courting takes all the drama of the dating scene and means you're not ever worrying about stepping over the line."

 

This message is as important for young men as it is for young women, said Andrews, who has been surprised at how aggressively provocative some teenage girls are.

 

"I've had to be firm with my sons. You have to be very blunt. Of course they like getting the attention. It's flattering, and you don't want to look like the dork at the party, but you have to draw a line. And the girls who have dignity will stand out, and the proper guy will notice them."

 

Her 14-year-old daughter Jaqueline is glad she attended and is now thinking about registering for the Modesty for Christ program. "At first I didn't really want to go, but it was really good.

 

"I thought it was interesting that if you dress wearing something that shows off what you've got or isn't very appropriate you will feel the part: you will act sexy. A lot of times you won't necessarily notice that, but it tells people a lot about who you are."

 

Jaqueline said it made her think about her Catholic high school, where even though there are uniforms some girls still find ways to change their clothes to get attention: "They roll their kilts up two or three times to make them really short, but it's not the right kind of attention."

 

Marcoux understands how powerful getting men's attention can be for young women, and urges them to consider why they are seeking it.

 

"It's exhilarating to have attention, but it's because their body is being used in a fantasy way: it's that a guy is looking at them and lusting after them, and ultimately it devalues them. And you still come away feeling worthless.

 

"If you're looking for attention, it's like an addiction, looking for that high. Guys are not looking at you as a person, and you're missing out on an authentic relationship."

 

"When a woman dresses immodestly you'll notice that men look everywhere on her body but not her eyes. When a woman dresses modestly men talk to her and look her in the eye. They see her as a person and value what she has to say.

 

"It's not the immediate gratification of being looked at for being provocative, but it's deeper and more satisfying."

 

Marcoux said her sister-in-law has a catch phrase she likes to share with young women: "If you want a guy to look up to you, don't give him a reason to look down."